a window to life

it’s wednesday morning and once again the morning mist is slowly rising above the hills in front of my window. the morning is cold and bright and I am sitting in bed, dressed with all pullovers I have, welcoming the morning, welcoming the change.

and today life will change once again.

the last days were a gift of love, un regalo de dios. three friends, my former neighbors in tzununa came to san cris to spend time with luca and me. we spent a handful of days exploring this city together, sharing love, music and conversations.

we all lived in a community house where I’ve lived when I was last here about 6 months ago; some of the people that became friends in my last stay were still here or have returned as well. this incredible amount of love and friends unexpectedly surrounded me in this strange little world of san cristobal.

and the community thing and the traveling in groups thing clearly isn’t the easiest for me at times. my heart is very sensitive to the emotions of people around me and with all the love I have for them it’s sometimes hard not to get responsibility mixed up. some time of these days was spend processing, working through triggers, holding space for one another and letting the emotions run freely.

oh, these human beings. these specific human beings made loving so easy. so beautiful. in the past weeks we’ve shared it became normal for at least two people to hold my hand and listen to me as I felt all that is moving in my heart.

and last night I cried because I didn’t know what I would do without the comfort of their love. continuing my journey means letting go, once again. and sometimes that is just beautiful and sometimes it’s so hard.

mathi and lukas have left this morning, early in the morning when the day wasn’t quite awake yet. these two danish men have a part of my heart with them, or rather are they part of my heart.

this morning I’ve cried knowing that it’s a miracle to love so much. that I’m so gifted to meet these people with hearts of gold on my way and share with them moments of togetherness; to let our hearts beat as one for some moments.

in this journey of life togetherness and separation are dancing with each other, one more easily loved than the other, forever inseparable and equally important.

somehow these things happen in life and somehow my friends that just left have met me at just the right place; with exactly what I hoped for and needed in terms of love and friendship.

the first time I missed home in a long time was on a rainy day in mathis bamboo hut when he played his guitar for me and we didn’t talk as the rain sang melodies on the metal rooftop.

so many memories and so much love for these two, the friendship and safe space and home they’ve provided, the playfulness, the joy.
and for facing the uncomfortable, speaking up about how they’ve felt, expressing, communicating and processing with me. what a way of learning healthy communication.

now the sky is almost blue and the clouds are slowly rising above the trees. my tears have almost dried.

another day, another change in life. luca and me will continue our travels tonight in the direction of mexico city, tepoztlan, a pueblo magico where we both spent beautiful times before.

that also means saying goodbye to our friend martha, who couldn’t return to guatemala with mathi and lukas because she ate something bad last night. saying goodbye to my friends here and another friend I didn’t see in a while and finally saw again here.

now that the tears have washed over my heart I feel more open, more light and free. it’s a time of huge transitions and they challenge me but they also make me so grateful for the mystery of life.