a window to life

20.09.23

I am leaving izmir as the last light leaves the day to the night.
children playing in the streets, little cats crossing my path to the train station. me and the small dirty shoes that used to be my little brothers shoes. my heavy backpack and my full heart with me.
yes, I left izmir with a heart full of love. my heart is full of love for all that I’ve seen of turkey so far; the people here are beautiful inside and out. now I am sitting on a train, the first train in a while, someone helped me to store my backpack on the racks, the train is warm, my heart still full.
I’ve only spent three days in izmir, very calm and quiet days. painting in the café across my hostel, taking little walks to the ocean to watch the sun drown in the sea at night. talking to the people from my hostel, from around, wonderful people. I am blessed to be surrounded by wonderful people.

before leaving I went to the bakery on the corner, a beautiful place that has been providing not only bread but much more for many years. in these few days I got to observe the little ecosystem of this street, how the people spend their days working under the sun, mostly outside, with many breaks for drinking çai together. an open heart does miracles. with open arms these people have welcomed me into their lives even just for this brief moment.
before leaving I said goodbye to the people from the café who were so happy to see me painting there, I said goodbye to the people from the bakery who always smiled and greeted me full of kindness even though we didn’t speak much. when my friend there realized I was saying goodbye he proceeded to pack a back full of the sweetest pastries for me and gifted them to me. this kind of kindness. this kind of love. this morning I felt lonely and tonight I left with a full heart.

I’m in turkey for about two weeks now. my blog has been silent for many weeks. how did I come here?

some months ago back in guatemala my friend luca one day told me that her brother just got engaged and was going to celebrate his wedding in turkey. I asked luca if I could be her date for the wedding and after checking in with her family she agreed.
I returned from guatemala to mexico, from mexico to europe, to home.
I took a leap of faith and travelled spain, portugal, then back to germany, denmark with my family and germany again. I thought I had fallen in love, but that is another story. I continued travelling; down to berlin where I met my friend finn, from there to leipzig where I met another friend, vienna where my friend marv hosted me and I saw jonas again after not seeing him since 2019.
from there serbia, north macedonia, adventurous days with intense travel routes and then greece where my wonderful friend nikki hosted me, whom I also haven’t seen since 2019. what a journey.

much remains unsaid. and for now it shall be just like that. from thessaloniki I took a night bus to istanbul. I chose to leave the heaviness in my heart behind as I entered this new part of the world.
I fell in love with istanbul. immediately. and I was showered with that selfsame love.

I got to attend the wedding in mordogan and it was incredibly sweet and beautiful; a celebration of love. and finally I was reunited with luca, my dear sister, my dear friend and companion.

saying goodbye to her again was hard. loving her is easy.

and now I’m on this train again, realising how far this year has taken me, that now the middle east isn’t a dream anymore but surrounding me wherever I go. to me, this is a miracle.

my open heart is reflected in the people I meet. I always find help and friends without even looking for them.
I quickly learned to love the bittersweet çai that is served in all places here – and I love it a lot. now there’s this thing occurring which I refer to as the çai miracle; whenever I want to drink a çai someone comes and invites me to have tea with them.
people literally come out of nowhere. sometimes shop owners don’t allow me to pay for my tea, sometimes friends invite me. one way or another I don’t get to pay for çai myself here.
the more I observe this phenomenon the more present it gets.
yesterday for sunset I met someone at the sea and later he sent me a message that if I was paying too much for accomodation, he had a spare couch I could sleep on.

and now I’m on the train again. with a bag full of food that would be enough for three journeys. for thirteen hours I will be on the train, then arrive to konya, wait there another few hours and then continue with a car to göreme where I’ll hopefully meet a friend from istanbul again.