a window to life

once again the past few weeks have been a lot.
so many changes on the outside and the inside, waves of life moving through me and taking me for a while, only to leave me again in yet undiscovered lands.
the past few weeks since leaving mexico have been a huge lesson in self responsibility. how beautiful!

when I first came to flores I was shocked, overwhelmed by the amount of tourists and travelers on this island. I felt lonely and lost landing here all by myself after always travelling and being with friends in the months prior..
with my backpacks I sat in the sun by the water and cried. tears of not yet knowing, being lost, feeling in between two seasons of my life.
transitions are often challenging for me.
then suddenly I saw a turtle in the water and I decided to have hope again 🤍

from that moment of feeling lost, down and lonely I decided to take responsibility for myself and move upwards again. I found a place to leave my bags, went to a  restaurant for the first time in over five weeks and after that into a tourist agency to find inspiration.
there I met cesar, who has been a great help for me in the last few weeks. with him I booked a tour to tikal and a five day hike into the heart of the jungle for the day right after – to el mirador.
el mirador used to be the heart of the world more than 2000 years ago. the capital of the mayan world. what a gift to myself!

tikal touched my heart and early in the next morning I started my journey back to the selva.
at 6 I met antonio in flores and from there we went on a three hour ride over some of the bumpiest roads of my life to carmelita, from where we would start our hike.
antonio is part of dynastia kan, a group of amazing people from carmelita who organize tours to el mirador.
in car I realized something about myself:
eating perfectly ripe papaya with a spoon on the backseat of a car on bumpy roads taking me back into the jungle fills me with way more joy than eating in fancy vegan restaurants.

in carmelita everything was prepared for the adventure. mules to help carrying food and supplies, a guide and a cook who are both part of antonios family. we had a lovely breakfast and started into the jungle.
and in the jungle, the magic happened and my heart that felt so overwhelmed and confused and lonely was flooded with love and contentment.
I fell all over in love with the selva, once again.
it’s beyond magical to see maya ruins all over the jungle after hours and hours of hiking.
after only an hour of hiking through the jungle, my heart was so full and I had a deep feeling of belonging here.

after 19 kilometers we reached tintal on the first day. there again we were welcomed with food, hammocks and a lot of lovely people – always.
at night I saw an ocelot for the first time in my life. one of the wishes I’ve had for my time in the selva!
on the second day we reached el mirador in the afternoon after a 23 kilometer hike.

I felt as if I’ve just travelled in time. the mules, the giant trees, the tiny wooden houses and open fireplaces for cooking. the big plaza in the middle of the camping area where helicopters used to land, which is now used for playing football and enjoying the sun. all was so magical to me. only five minutes walking from the camping area I found one of my favourite places: the pyramid el tigre.

that night I watched the sunset from there. I could overlook the trees and all I saw was trees and jungle as far as my eyes could see. my heart was so wide, so filled with love and awe for this life and it’s indescribable beauty.. and for the selva which once again opened herself and her motherly heart for me.
on top of that pyramid I felt at home. nothing could bother me and the love I had discovered again, there were no more questions to be answered; everything was clear. everything was love.
there, my heart already knew what would come next.

in the first moments of hiking the jungle I’ve already noticed a problem that occurs in many places in central america. pieces of plastic and garbage along the paths and in nature. I knew I wanted to return to the jungle and spend more time there. not only did I know that but I also realised that I would be the one taking care of the plastic problem. I knew I would make it possible no matter what because this piece of earth had my heart and doing this to serve it made me very happy. on the fourth day we explored el mirador and oh, the area is huge! a huge complex of temples 42 kilometers deep in the jungle. simply incredible.
I fell in love with all of it. 10% of the centre is discovered and all the rest is still hidden under trees and the many hundreds of years that have passed since people lived there. simply being there felt so adventurous, so special and meaningful.
the selva gifted me with so much.

on the fifth day we returned to flores and I immediately spoke to antonio about my plans. he understood and supported my plan fully.
once again I returned to flores. this time, I felt like I was walking on clouds. I was so thrilled to organise everything and return to the jungle. after these days everyday comfort was exciting again. a shower, a bed, restaurants. other travelers.

I met two wonderful people from germany and together we spent the next few days until I would return to the jungle; and the magic continued as they both spontaneously decided to do the hike as well. on the last evening in flores I ran into kevin who I’ve last seen for christmas in mazunte and even he joined in for the adventure!

the next day we all left at five in the morning and the magic continued.
this time I knew the people from my group as well as the people in carmelita and they we’re all happy and amused to see me again after only a few days.
I felt warmly welcomed and „in good hands“ at all times.

and the tour was wonderful again. one of the differences was that instead of returning me and kevin stayed at el mirador – kevin joined me for the garbage mission. I felt honored to be in this space. in this jungle that has such a home in my heart. between these lovely and curious people who spend so much time of their lives working here, protecting nature and discovering hidden miracles.
the next days were filled with hiking these magical lands, climbing temples and seeing amazing wildlife.

I found myself being met with so much love and support in these days.
people joined our mission, where before cigarette butts where just thrown on the ground ashtrays were placed and there was so much mutual understanding.

the only ways to get to el mirador is by hiking for two days or taking a helicopter from flores.
one day, a helicopter came and I got to meet the pilot who turned out to be another amazing person.

he greeted me saying that two people in flores have asked for me. and oh, he was so happy to hear about me taking the trash out of this magical place!
he immediately offered to bring me fruits and vegetables and whatever I’d need. he also gifted me his lunch.

as you can imagine, food is a special topic in a place two days deep into the jungle.. so people gifting eachother food was a beautiful gesture of love. I received a lot of food and I gifted a lot of food to the people around me.

we got to see the milky way from one of the pyramids and the foggy jungle in the mornings before sunrise. I got to see the most colourful birds and ant eaters and a fox and deers and so much more.
it was a truly incredible experience for me. and especially the encouragement I received for cleaning made me so happy and grateful to have followed my heart with this idea. I discovered that I can make a change, single handedly. without waiting or asking for others to join in.
every piece of plastic I’ve collected now won’t kill or harm nature and wildlife and that’s a wonderful thing to remember.

then, a few days ago I was told that I had to leave the jungle earlier. precisely in the next two days because tourists weren’t allowed in there for more than 8 days.
I didn’t want to leave. at all. I would’ve happily lived in the jungle for way more time. far away from reception, cars and city buildings.

at first that made me very sad. I went to one of my favourite temples, cried and read in my journal.

on the pages of my journal I noticed a list of wishes / manifestations for being in the jungle once again. reading and thinking of the past days I noticed that everything from the list has come true.
sometimes in unexpected ways but in one way or another.
the only thing missing was a helicopter ride.
later that day the helicopter came again, as always I had a beautiful talk with the pilot and eventually he offered to take me back to flores the next day!

so I flew in a helicopter for the first time in my life. what a journey.
back in flores I was filled with the love and magic of the jungle and felt very in tune with life.
the next day I went to an office to get another permit for finishing my work in the jungle – I had decided to make some signs for the paths to prevent littering and speak to some people who work there as well.
in the office I was told I couldn’t stay in the jungle or continue to work there for more time than the usual five day tours.

that was a few days ago. after that I was having a hard time finding out what my next steps are and deciding what to do. another transition from one part of my journey into another.

and here I am, still in flores, even though I am having a hard time really connecting to this place. still not knowing what I’ll do next and when I’ll take the next steps.

in the not yet knowing I choose to trust life nevertheless. and I know my questions will be answered in one way or another and the sureness will return. and whatever will happen will be as wonderful and miraculous as my journey so far.